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The Many Faces of Abandonment

In the work that I do with the Emotion/Body Code, there is a chart consisting of 60 negative emotions that contains pretty much all the negative emotions that one could experience. Of all the prominent negative emotions one might think of; anger, shame, anxiety, grief, betrayal and insecurity to mention just a few, the most predominant emotion that comes up across the board with my clients is abandonment.

According to Chinese Medicine every emotion is connected directly to a specific organ or gland in the body. For example, you may be familiar with the emotion of anger being connected with the liver, or grief being connected with the lungs.

Abandonment is directly connected with the heart. When I am working with clients to release their heart wall, abandonment is by far the number one negative emotion that is trapped in the heart wall. I have often pondered the reason for this when there are so many other emotions as well. I had my own experience 2 weeks ago which brought the issue of abandonment front and center for me.

My daughter’s friend, an 18 yr old girl, was literally kicked out of her home at 9 pm, doors locked behind her, and she sat on her front steps having nowhere to go. I personally, have never experienced being homeless or that type of physical abandonment. She stayed with us for about 10 days until she was able to connect with her grandmother out of state who took her in. I won’t go into the details due to privacy, but it is the energy of abandonment that I’d like to address here.

This situation evoked many negative emotions for me. Anger toward her parents for putting her out, anxiety for where she would live, hopelessness for the toxic environment in her home, sorrow for her having to experience this.... But, out of all of these emotions, I was completely overtaken by my own sense of abandonment. Yes, I knew that I was feeling her emotion of abandonment, but I just didn’t connect her abandonment with my own.

Growing up, I had a roof over my head and food to eat. I certainly never lived in fear that in a moment of anger my mother would throw me out the door and lock it behind me. Yet, this feeling of abandonment would be triggered within me numerous times throughout the 10 days that this young lady was staying with us. As I meditated about the word “abandonment”, I realized that it is an energy that holds many facets and aspects.

Using the Emotion Code, I began asking myself if I had any trapped emotions of abandonment. Now, I have done a lot of work clearing my own heart wall, and I certainly have released many trapped emotions, including abandonment. Yet, this time, the emotion of abandonment was connected with my father’s death when I was 32 years old. It certainly did not surprise me because I was very close with my father, and his death was devastating for me. It took me years to heal from that trauma. Yet, I thought I had already released all there was regarding the trauma of his death. But, the situation with this young lady was triggering more abandonment within me. When I began to look at this from a higher perspective, the synchronicity of all of this was amazing. July 8 was the anniversary of my father’s death 33 years ago. And here it was again around July 8th that I was experiencing this emotion.

I can remember year after year on the anniversary of my father's death, the complete abandonment and loss that I felt. Yet, his abandonment of me did not cause me to be homeless. It was his death that caused such a deep sense of emotional abandonment within me. I felt the same anger toward him for “leaving me” as this young lady felt toward her parents for leaving her.

Now, clearly there is no similarity here on the outside between these 2 different situations. However, it is the energy and emotion of abandonment that I am referring to, not the situation. I have come to understand that abandonment can wear many faces: homelessness( who will take me in, how will I survive) rejection, loss, betrayal, shame (I felt shame for years for not being there when my father died), lack of control, worthless (I should have done better), shock (how could he have died before I had a chance to say good-bye) anxiety, confusion, grief.

As I look at the entire Emotion Code chart, nearly every single emotion could be listed under the umbrella of abandonment. That is why it is such a predominant emotion and carries such strong energy.

At its deepest level, abandonment is feeling completely separated and disconnected from love. We come into physical form with a spirit of purity, innocence, and an innate desire to love and be loved. When there is a physical and/or emotional disconnect with a loved one, then abandonment is felt. This often begins in utero. Many emotions are absorbed by the baby from the mother in utero. Again, I see abandonment as the primary emotion that becomes trapped in utero. Abandonment is often felt by the mother during pregnancy when she does not feel supported emotionally and/ or physically. If the mother is living in a toxic environment or relationship with her partner, or even her parents, this can intensify any emotions of abandonment. When a mother is feeling abandoned, this is absorbed by the baby, and when the baby is born, he/she is already experiencing abandonment. The mother who was experiencing her own abandonment during pregnancy is more than likely going to be in an emotional state after birth where she is not connecting with the baby at the deepest level with love and nurturing. There is no judgement here, it is just the way we can be run by our emotions if we are unaware of them. As the baby feels this emotional separation from mother, he/she begins to trap his/her own emotions of abandonment.

This abandonment is carried through life until it is expressed in the relationships we create with ourselves and others. Many of my clients feel abandonment triggered in relationship to their partner, their children, or even with prosperity issues. Why does money seem to elude me? Why can’t I lose weight? Why doesn’t my partner help me out around the house? Why doesn’t he/she talk to me about the things that are important to me? Why can’t I find a meaningful relationship? Why do I feel so alone?

All of these questions may sound completely disjointed, and what does this have to do with abandonment? I’ll bring this around full circle. The feeling of abandonment or unconditional love comes down to a core belief. Do we believe in our hearts that we are unconditionally loved and connected to Source, God, Creator? Because, if we don’t feel that and know its truth in the depth of our being, then there will always be an undercurrent of abandonment inside us waiting to be triggered by someone or something.

The truth is that no one else can fill the unconditional love and acceptance that we receive from our eternal connection with Source. Whatever facet of abandonment may tug at your heart strings, it is simply another opportunity reminding you to look within and know that you are love incarnate forever connected to the Source of All That Is. Abandonment is the Illusion, Love is the Reality of who you are.

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